wikialityfandomcom-20200214-history
The Colbert Report/Episode/555
Production Info |- |} |- |} The Check-In * Dr. Colbert asks his Jewish Friend not to comment on his bristly black face stallion ** it's getting pretty awesome * after enduring his insults, Dr. Colbert had to shave it off Intro American Pallet * applause does not suck * Dr. Colbert read something upsetting * They don't hold trials for dogs * In this week's The Week ** recent study for American Association of Wine Economists *** can people distinguished pate from dog food * who can't tell the difference? ** 83% of those studied * 3 of the 18 were able to * this disappoints Dr. Colbert ** American pallets are so unsophisticated * assistant Monica gets $100 to buy Dr. Colbert's pate ** she only gets the fanciest of feasts * it is both ** delicious ** make his coat silky * lived up to their motto: This seemed like a good idea when we were hammered on Merlot America's Credit * we're a country in debt ** being in the whole is as American as owing apple pie * owe debt to credit card companies * qualified for another credit card ** The Prescott First American Trust Bank of Midland Triple Advantage Miles Black Platinum Champagne Rewards Card *** Pre-approved for its own credit card * tragically the Senate is voting to change our relationship to plastic ** not right to marry a blow up doll(?) * the credit rule monkey * minor problems ** on the whole it is an honest industry * author of: "Strapped: Why America's 20- and 30-Somethings Can't Get Ahead" ** Tamara Draut (VP at demos.org) * why we need the legislation ** built on gotcha tactics ** keep in debt at high cost * $18 billion in penalties in 2008 * poor people are subsidizing the rich * many house holds are using credit cards for basic necessities * Credit Card Holders Bill Of Right ** right to bear arms ** right to assemble in his wallet * captive market * no rules in place to protect people * she may have buffalo pelts in her wallet * the market should decide ** no incentive to offer an honest credit card * it's cheating to level the playing field ** she will put $18 billion back in Dr. Colbert's wallet) Alpha Dog of the Week * every dog loves a scratch behind the ears ** when your hands are busy * Montana resident Eric Slye ** everyone hates jury duty * he cannot afford to take time off from work ** he'd rather count the wrinkles on his dog's balls * he was excused from jury duty after appearing ** "Montana jury system v Dog ball wrinkles" * for treating the justice system like his own personal fire hydrant, Dr. Colbert awards him Alpha Dog of the Week Interview * Dr. Colbert's guest was just nominated for a Tony, let's see if the interview can win a "Stevie" ** Jeff Daniels * one of Dr. Colbert's first guest ** second preview show * he seems like a prophet ** Nostadaniels * still lives in Michigan * $18 million bond issue that won't be paid off until 2024 * Daniels points out Dr. Colbert's Emmy and Peadbody ** Dr. Colbert allows him to touch them * Emmy was for writing; Peabody was for his suits * Daniel was merely nominated for a Tony * "God of Carnage" is about 4 parents start talking honestly to each other ** their kids get into a fight * he accuses Dr. Colbert of wearing a mask Epilogue * Dr. Colbert unfortunately it's time to say good night ** unless we're planning about dreaming about him, then he will meet us at the Unicorn Dealership Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments